第一幕 act one

2010-01-05T19:29:00.001+08:00

If 408 ppl still visit this thing, I cant believe qsit got with bk. ._.

2009-12-21T01:02:00.000+08:00

ello, finally got round to doing it.

but too -ed up to look for a skin so i stuck with this one.

alright then, moving on.

im not going to link you guys from here because that's just stupid. if anyone stumbles onto this ._.

er, please dont link me tyvm. unless your blog is super untraceable [ie, not like kai's.]

2009-12-18T22:43:00.000+08:00

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHERESKAI.

/thanks ying and jen >_>

/stabs bro.

and missing modem. asdf?!@!#@!~$#!@1111111111.

2009-12-18T00:33:00.002+08:00

so i was looking through fb posts, and then i ended up at the older intern's page and realised we had 12 frens in common. so i clicked on the frens.

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. he mentioned that he knew [only? idk.] a few ppl in our lvl frm ny, and mainly frm council. so out of the ppl in common, the ones frm ny in our batch are jen zing coco and jess choo. lolllllll. including myself thats 4/5 frm our class. wtv cocos counted ok. it makes the stat look cooler.

vaguely amused. the younger one came to sg in... p1? the other in ... s1? i think the younger one is a geper if my memory serves me right, but the other one didnt take the test.

i bring this up coz the other day they were talking abt gepers. except that i was trying to listen in but they didnt really say anything worth noting. -.- shrugs.

in other news, went out today for arnd 11h ._. my contacts were damn hard to take out when i came back. zzz.

left at... 945, supp to reach cityhall at 1030, obviously late -.- BEST PART IS CHELSEA HO REACHED AT LIKE 1130 OR STH. -> i wasnt that late :D lols but she was running errands so wtv. zz coz my phones dead, they cldn contact me, so it was by sheer chance that i saw them inside the station going down an escalator -.- rubbish. + coz my contacts not perfect i was o__oing and trying to figure out if it was them, it felt like them then elsa LOLed me and waved. so i followed in. only to realise that the only reason they were inside was so that chelsea ho could take a picture w sherlock holmes ._. wuliao.

i realise i call her chelsea ho more oftn than chelsea / chels o.0 hahaha.

uhh. we... walked. to..... what? hmm. we went to suntec OHHHH to look at a booth outside toys r us where posters were going for 10/pc. bloody cheap can coz its so huge. kind of. bought two tiny badges for kai lols. i couldnt even identify the chars -_- was pammie? who did -.- bought another one which i later gave to xeo.

OHHH then we went into toysrus and HAHAHA. pam walked off, so i followed her, and then she walked damn fast so i didnt rly bother trying v hard to catch up. and then eventually she doubled back to where we were and o.o?! coz everyone was gone. i o.o?!ed too coz everyone else was gone. hahaha apparently they were following me. LOL big snakey.

and then i figured i should get sth for xeo coz shes leaving and all, then i figured the bigger the soft toy the better, and that the more ppl shared the bigger it could get :D and then we decided on sth and threw out alot of it to search for the fattest one. HAHA. xeo insists its not fat and thats its 'a perfect bear shape' LOL. whee squish xeo. so cute.

gave chrissy the stuffed block/furball i got frm viet coz i figured i still had time to go get more souvenirs if i had too. its now called xeo pochi / tako xeo. :D

oh. xeos is either called chocolate or walnut. shrugs.

met xeo at 255 or sth -.- then we had... sushi buffet at.....? ???? wheelock? i think? from exactly 3-6 hahas. OHH we walked around borders and and and and thatchocolateplace!! oh marks and spencers. hehe i bought chocolate to bring back to vietnam :D i hope its not squashed by my cam D:

then we walked back to idkwhatitscalledbutithasanewuniqlo and then we took a group photo w xeos madeforcamwhoringwtwoscreens cam and then we poofed. i mean they poofed. i walked down orchard -.- to look at xmas lights. until i hit a road i couldnt cross and cldnt be bothered to double back to get to the other side -.- at ion there i think. well i was supposed to take pics of them. but /phail therefore, look at xmas lights.

THE XMAS TREE AT ION IS SO COOL. and dazzling. coz it was darkish at night / outside, when i walked in i looked up and OWWWWW. >_> instantly looked back down -.- maybe ill dig up a photo tmw or sth. so bright. so mesmerizing. so pretty. except that the balls look flat and ugly like blobs with outlines in the photos that i took. headdesk.

ughhh needs to improve my eye x1000000000 coz i had trouble picturing pretty pics of roads >_> / building facades. zzz.

xeo! u must start a blog okay! and maintain! and as per chrissy, 'so we can stalk you!' :D i like how we gush over xeo's cuteness and gerard's cuteness but xeo is still xeo and gerard become some.... arrogantblob zzz.

today at sushi, there were, bea pam elsa chrissy chels xeo jen. me. yep. and mochis :D today i found out that muah?chees? are different from mochis. oops XD

tmw time to traipse down to sls. zzz bro wants arnd 4 macbooks -> arnd 600+/pc. zzz!!! and cash is cheaper -_- rawr.

ok ok sleepy its one. / 12invietnam.

BYEEEEEEEEEEE.

i mean goodnightttttttttttttttt.

2009-12-15T15:06:00.001+08:00

LOL. i mistyped frens as ferns. imagine if that always happened in
everything. ahahahaha.

this time tmw ill be leaving the house~

2009-12-15T13:57:00.001+08:00

i was wondering whether i would meet guys frm tns in my class next year.

then i figured thats what the reunion was for.

3d2n eh? wonders how THAT will turn out -_-

hahaha card games. wonders what else will happen -.-

carnivorous pandas!

2009-12-15T09:58:00.000+08:00

http://www.thestar.com/news/sciencetech/science/article/738592--scientists-discover-why-giant-pandas-eat-shoots-and-leaves

holy cow! [that will be eaten by the panda oops.]

fishies swimming in the oceaaaaaaan

2009-12-14T21:53:00.001+08:00

ummm.

its not like i can do anything about it now.

the blog still belongs to jing -> cant change add.

+ kai is overseas.

headdesk.

2009-12-14T18:44:00.001+08:00

argh bishhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

cheese!

2009-12-14T18:14:00.001+08:00

/melts.

i just realised why the interns are still here.

the kid's parents are on some trip -.-

now what. >_> my bro isnt having dinner w me. wonders if im supposed to have dinner w them. >_>

on the bright side. I NOW HAVE MORE BLACKMAIL MATERIAL for my bro HAHAHA. auroraaaa.

jk -_- but it was a fun idea. zzz.

egg tarts

2009-12-14T17:46:00.001+08:00

one day, im going to whack my bro over on the head and demand him to bring me on his trip. :D

of course, ill need to catch him at right time. since i obviously cant vanish for a whole year or months at a shot D: so sad.

then ill whatsthatcalled... piggyback on his trip to go see the auroras :D

zz must accumulate good will properly and not luan spend. zz. otherwise he'll just whack me back on the head and ask me to pay for it myself ._. rawr.

but so cool. i mean like, if he really becomes all rich and lalala by the time i graduate O.O. except we have different definitions of rich zz. i was looking at like maybe 1 or 2 million. maybe 5. and hes looking at like 100 million. T.T in which case he was saying that he would just take off and go travel around the world. he wants to be so rich that he can do all sorts of absurd things. like eat at all the .... whatwasit michelin 3 stars? restaurants? and stay at all the best hotels etc. >_> he wants a yacht, helicopter rides and private jet rides. D:

i mean if he can do all that, maybe he'll take me to see the auroras too instead of whacking me on the head and making me learn the value of money -___-

LOL at following
him: i want to go to antarctica
me: ?!!!!!
him: to see the auroras
me: ._. .____.
him: oh. its the other one is it? arctic?

HAHA. fail. actually both have. but i think arctics more accessible. coz got alaska or sth. but figured there were southern ones too coz theres a... aurora australis or sth.

aha. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aurora_%28astronomy%29

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKFt4Z-GCX4 HEHEHEHE WATCHHHH.

in other news. the two interns here were calling me random and er hax moolah to spend. ._. annoyed. its not random lors, its perfectly logical -.- its just that the logic flows in a different path :D i think ones a geper but the older one isnt o.0 actually im not sure, since both are msian -.- as in not like xeo coz idk when they came to sg.

and moolah wise, its really a matter of what i spend on lors. spending on my cam is a different matter altogether coz #1, MY BRO PAID FOR IT BEEJITS. ._. like both the body AND the first lens [eventually]. actually come to think of it, he paid for all the accessories etc. i havn paid for a single thing of my cam gear yet -.- now that ive ordered another lens on his cred card, i assume he will murder me if i dont pay him back for this haha. shrugs. i plan to anw

and [yes a second para in a row starting w and, oh the travesty. tranji!! oops. ITS NOT RANDOM.] i think alot of the money came from property? like we moved alot of times as a family. for me.... greenlodge [which i totally dont recall -.-] [is it the same as the bukit batok one...], joo chiat, onan road, telok kurau and finally here at lorong kilat. except that we might be moving again soon. zzz.

before greenlodge... there was some jurong one, aiya alot la. i know my bro/sis moved like 9 times. maybe including lorong kilat its 10 o.o shrugs. what im trying to say is that, they made money off the property sales, think they only lost on two, lost on telok kurau by like 300k and dk whats the other one. and the money came w a price kay move arnd so much. AIYA ITS NOT MY MONEY BUT. ._. and its not like its my fault that wer born in different circumstances ok. so dont try and lecture me / whine about 'you know how many of the things you have that im living without?'

exhales. i er probably should point out, that the above para wasn't directed towards whoevers reading this. coz im pretty sure the person im directing this to has absolutely no idea / cant be bothered to read this. except that kai links me. -_- rawrrrr.

i should probably stop playing mystery on repeat. heehe.

no i wont! :D i mean i wont stop. lols.

its kind of sad really, to do a little math and realise, at say an avg of 5k a month, a single month bonus per year, 65k/year x 30 years -> 1,950k. its only two million? over the whole span of ur working career. upon which you spend like alot on food and cars -.- haha i typed cards at first oops. and you look at houses, how common it is for them to be tagged at a million. zz. half of your lifes earnings. shenjingbing. yea la thats why theres public housing shut up. i mean me shut up.

ok i should end here before i run out of feet to shoot at/ blow up

achmett. hahaha. oh holy crap.

2009-12-14T15:10:00.001+08:00

shit. yrs playing songs that feel so.. dancey/poppy D: ok poppy is
definitely not the right word lols. poppy like opium =.=

aie. im going back to sg on the 16th and then will be in viet again
from 20th to 9th. just in time for tns chalet :D obviously done on
purpose -.-

ARGH FEELS SO DANCEY ._________. ridiculous.

tried the egg tarts frm kfc here o.o its.... not very nice. :X

er i forgot what i wanted to sayyyyyyyyyyyy.

tofu textured yoghurt.

2009-12-12T11:36:00.001+08:00

well thats odd. only mt is here right now. everyone else hasnt come even though its past ten. my bros asleep =.=

i checked the schedule and everyone was supposed to be here today =.= bargh.

remember the story about the frog in the hot water? it died.

theres another version to it.

this time, the frogs are in hot milk. [in a bucket. although, no one kicked it over.]

im not sure why its hot really. but whatever.

so the first one, is swimming in the milk, paddle paddle paddle. it kept hitting the walls of the bucket, and eventually figured there was no way out. so it gave up and died. paddle paddle paddle -------. or gurghhhhhh, ploppppppp, ssssswave if you want.

the other frog, is swimming in the milk too, in a different bucket, paddle paddle paddle. it kept hitting the walls of the bucket, and eventually couldn't figure there was no way out. it didn't realise it was completely enclosed. stupid frog. but because it didn't know there was no way out, to it, there wasn't no way out. so it just kept swimming, swimming, swimming. like i said, stupid frog.

but you know what? its milk, not water. and milk.... curdles.

yup, the milk got curdled with all the swimming and slowly turned to butter. ie, it solidified. and the frog could climb on it, out of the bucket. or maybe it just leapfrogged off the butter, leaving webbyprints.

see where im going?

stupid but determined frog lives.

of course, my bro's version was alot shorter. he didn't call the frog stupid either. i think. he might have. shrugs. but he didnt emphasize it. so this time, there'
s a twist on the emphasis, being smart doesn't mean alot. unless you're really smart and realised the milk would have curdled of course, in which case you would have swam in a lot of circles to curdle it more efficiently. except if you weren't determined, you wouldn't have kept swimming, swimming, swimming.

ugh.

we watched alexander the great. it came out 5 years ago. so i doubt you guys have watched it either. since theres like a minute or two of alexander fighting with his wife on their marriage night. -.- headdesk.

on the another note, angelina jolie [wtf she has 6 children. 3 of which are adopted. but still! oh well, no financial issues for them anyway =.=] was pretty awesome in the movie. she was his mother. she had this strange guttural accent. but wayyyy cool. she didn't have a very big role, but she played the strong er attractive queen very well. huh. i kind of want to watch girl interrupted. o.0

2009-12-11T18:59:00.001+08:00

sometimes i feel like telling more people about my blog. and then i figure nah.

class of 2016. i have this feeling, that my bro is going to 'make his fortune' by the time i graduate

2009-12-09T22:12:00.000+08:00

lols i see people on msn w strange personal messages [stupid a key -.- not responsive] [and i drank a bit of iced coffee and my throat is itching D:] abt love and missing people and whatnot and it vaguely amuses me.

im not sure whyy it amuses me but i think the underlying factor is that i find it silly.

somehow i dont quite believe in true, undying love at our age.

[LOL just found this in my email drafts. saved 7 dec. ]

humpty dumpty sat on the wall

2009-12-09T15:35:00.001+08:00

http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1945379_1944626,00.html hahahahahaha.

http://www.time.com/time/specials/2008/personoftheyear/article/0,31682,1861543_1861868_1866515,00.html

when is it right to intrude into another's grief for the sake of a photo?

2009-12-09T00:13:00.001+08:00

They shouldn't worry abt me so. Not when I don't feel inclined to
worry about them.

Do the motives matter when the end result is still the same?

2009-12-08T09:28:00.001+08:00

suddenly realises that i only have a week left not two. -.-

siannnnnnn.

2009-12-07T18:51:00.001+08:00

i realise. they talk... substantially in chinese.

and the whole dialect / singlish thing.

i have issues comprehending -.-

2009-12-07T18:35:00.001+08:00

is really really bored.

._. theyr trying to make a logo.

i am ._. ing zz

the godforsaken world works in mysterious ways.

2009-12-07T00:05:00.001+08:00

-.- cant get to blogger again.

ive gotten used to making decisions on the spot.

because its not like i wont change my mind later anyway. id rather regret having done it than having not done it. that... probably applies for homework too. oops.

i mention this, because i completely forgot i signed up for munip. bargh.

-.-

it seriously annoys me when people cant tell that... theyr annoying me. and then they continue annoying me.

its kind of sad really, the whole... blood bond thing, the whole 'im supposed to be filial' and wtv shit. its sad because blood doesnt instantaneously mean you'll get on well. it just means that you will be more tolerant than others towards them, you will be more forgiving. in fact, youre supposed to always forgive.

family is supposed to be the one thing [i mean group of people] who will always be there for you.

but its odd really.

i dont judge my family as family members.

i judge them as people. as any other people i would judge. [yes i judge. -.-]

oh. i got distracted. i wanted to talk about something else. D:

i cant remember what it was. oh well. moving on.

jiu de bu qu, xin de bu lai.

not that true in this instance, but applicable in some twisted manner.

phuong quit. he disappeared friday lunch. remained uncontactable until yesterday? or this morning? cited family issues as the reason for quitting so abruptly. which is quite sad. he was the 2nd friendlest staff -.-

the... friendliest one gets stressed out =.=

ah. the worst part of it all is that when they sign on, they dont sign contracts or any copyright blahblahs. so they effectively get nothing.

oh the xin one refers to the sg guys. they arrived today. went for dinner. i had two doughnuts and a banana and a full cup of ... some sweet drink before dinner D: oops. yrs parents are .____.'''' the dad seems quite nice but the mum seems like the uptight sgean. zz.

my dad thought yr was the j1 and yj was the s3 coz of their sizes. haha.

but srsly, a) they were talking in chinese for approx 3/4 of the meal, b) when they were talking in english it was comp stuff :o

my bro just counted staff. if mt or h leaves, he says its game over -.- coz thats the main programmer and the only designer -.-!

haiz. oh he just counted people again. his original team had 6 people. theres only one of the orig team left -.- the other 5 left, one reason or the other. which also means, he only has one programmer who has completed training. :o thats only two programmers including himself. :o ouch.

lets see how yj's coding is like.

meanwhile its been pretty quiet on blogger huh. bo-ring.

forest pig. hahaha ytd was some world food festival. the sg food was such a ripoff -.- completely unauthentic. that meant wild boar i think. haha.

went out w sis mel wl bro dad today. wl is... interesting o.o he has a pierced ear. left. approx a head taller than my sis LOL. they cant really hold hands at full... length. amusing. he seems kindheartedish he bought gum off a random person on the street who was carrying a cute kid. the mum later whacked the kid for 'destroying' a pack of gum. he laughed pretty loudly.

he also bought a random cute stuffed.... thing. not sure what he bought in the end. but interesting. i wanted to buy this... unidentified animal stuffed toy thing, but there was oddly dried glue :X so didnt. but he agreed that it was cute + first thing to catch his eye. it was brown and its head was approx the size of my fist and the bod was like 1/3 of it.

lala. theyr going to the mekong delta tmw. my dads staying here. wonders what hes going to do. i dont like it when they comment on what i do here. its annoying. its not... fun at all, its boring, really. and i dont get a kick out of 'managing' them. because really, what i do is i ask them nicely w a ... slight sense of authority. -.- its not like im directly commanding them or anything. they always seem to make it out to be all sunshine and butterflies. pauses. thats not quite right. er. make it out to be all... feelings-of-power-and-awesomeness.

im really just bored -.-

i dont think ive been challenged intellectually for the past two weeks -.- my only source of ooooo are books. sigh. in which case im blind-reading and just absorbing the storyline. im not really thinking either.

on the bright side, people have been coming to hcmc and bringing me stuff. yay. chocolate :D lols my mum bought my bro another 3 big containers of hello panda in addition to the two i brought here that he finished in a couple of days. lollol.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH. at least now i have some more things to do. but arghhhhhhhhhh!

i really shouldnt be looking forward to tuesday. but i am. :X the thing is, im aware of what im feeling. and i can judge it for what it is [i... assume], its just that awareness/comprehension is not the same as believing and doing.

sigh. watched some other show today. empire of silver. i assumed that since it was chinese, dynasty-based, and had aaron kwok, that there would be fighting. oops major oops. on the other hand, i was thinking during the show and i came to conclusion that warlords was a really good show. LOL. oops.

the show was about.. staying true to whats right? money can always be earned back, but once you fail to live up to your conscience, it will always be a... regret?

mmhm. but i should not be seeking absolution in things like that. as mentioned, two schools of thought. two widely believed schools of thought. its not strange for me to find things that would side w either school. ive weighed everything, i just need to believe in my decision. my mind has decided but my heart isnt really interested.

my bro raised the issue of phuong leaving again. figures someone has cancer. probably a parent.

exhales.

[inhales.]

[continues breathing normally]

oh shuts up -.-

2009-12-04T22:37:00.003+08:00

just watched this korean show.

i have no idea what its title is. -.- it has korean and viet blurbs yea. but eng subs :D

anw it was abt a tsunami hitting... korea. wow.

right. it had alot of people dying. but mainly it touched on heroism [d-oh] / sacrifice, rich vs poor [wheres the heart?], and mostly, stupidity and stubbornness.

ok that sounds quite bad. -.-

vaguely cliched but the scenes and everything were shot pretty well so... it was pretty touching i guess. mmm but quite ._. wth inducing too.

anw, had scenes about corporate not-quite-big-bigshots being afraid to evacuate / warn people until it was (too) late, female executive from seoul being a b, fishermen blahblahblah.

-.-

sigh

a) wer lucky to be in sg coz saaaaaaafe.

b) so what are u going to do w ur luckkkkkkkk

c) whyyyyyyyyy. whats importaaaant?!

sigh. there was this guy in the show who was basically a gd for nth, whose mum didnt go on a picnic bus but instead went to buy him shoes so that he would attend an interview and thus died. anw the guy was trying to smoke on a bridge. where alot of things had collapsed on. including other vehicles, containers from a container ship. the flame from his lighter was huge, he was startled so he flung it.

the fuel from the container ship caught it. boooom. and more vehicles more booooms. -.- the explosion also flung more containers into buildings.

-.- he later received some honorary citizenship award for saving 13 people. -.-

arghbish.

fighter paper planes!! i had a pp that wouldnt fly. i figured it was too hour glassy shaped so i folded it one more time. and now its awesome. WAHAHAHAHA.

zzzz. i just want to go sleep.

I WANT TO SLEEEEEEEP.

2009-12-03T14:36:00.002+08:00

there was this guy called xinfan at iggy.

it took me damn long to place his face with the name because everyone was calling him zin. -.- and because i can actually pronounce xin it sounds very different yea.

anw point is, he has a 10yo brother.

whos a math prodigy, yi fan.

asdf. hes taking his a lvl math at 10.

faints.

2009-12-01T22:06:00.002+08:00

its such a pretty moon tonight.

such clear skies.

meteorwatching would have been brilliant on a night like this, with a sky like this.

its feel like its been such a long time since my last... worth-reading post before the latest one.

i looked through my posts and realised it was 9/11. haha but the other way of formatting -> nov 9th.

not that long ago really. but it feels that long ago.

damn right it's murky, murphy.

2009-12-01T21:58:00.004+08:00

see. my mum also emphasizes that the crowd you mix with is very important.

if no one has a drive, and they make you feel like there isnt a need for a drive, you're pretty much screwed.

"most of the time, wasting it all is really just that - a waste. but forcing it done when it's too late will just make you sick and extremely unhappy. so i live the kind of life where i don't have to go to the extreme, somewhere in between is fine with me. sometimes it's fun to mess up the lines."

i like to use that thinking for food. if you force yourself to finish your food, its just going to make you feel unhappily bloated. i mean, its not like the food is ever going to reach those starving children in africa right?

you've already bought and placed it on your plate. ._.

or cooked it. whatever.

somewhere in between, kai? working 9-5, mon to fri, a pleasant, comfortable 7,000 / month at 40?

is that where you see yourself?

that feels like the more successful less idealistic version of my sis. but the core principles remain the same.

i cant carry on with this. not with that discussion on twitter -.-

twits.

2009-12-01T21:35:00.002+08:00

i have one grandparent left.

the other grandma died before i was born.

my maternal grandpa died when i was ten.

my paternal grandpa died when i was 13.

i never really spent much time with them. including the one alive.

my paternal grandpa was closest to my brother, his only grandson and his eldest grandchild.

my maternal grandpa... probably my sis. i know he used to shower gifts on her. not too sure if he was really close to any particular grandchild. most of my cousins on my mum's side are way young.

my maternal grandpa is probably closest to my uncle and his kids. she lives with them afterall.

at 17, my bro was managing 7k of his 'own'. ie savings dredged up from gkw. he made a couple of thousand bringing it up to about 10k, and then lost half. he made it back.

the year later, i was paged out of school by my parents. my paternal grandpa refused to eat until a male nurse was requested to masquerade as my bro. the real one, was having an university entrance interview.

yesterday, i learnt he inherited 20k for his college funds.

he invested it and his portfolio swelled.

i guess that solves the matter of his bank balance.

i also raised this, because im not really interested in stocks. if they choose to hand me money to play with, by all means go ahead. dont -king guilt trip me for a decision you're making.

when you treat money like it doesn't matter, i dont treat your money like it matters either.

because, no i dont see this as an investment in me. i see it as an unnecessary form of trying to make me fit the mold.

no, i dont appreciate it.

white xmas *

2009-12-01T11:34:00.001+08:00

vaguely amused. you know how fb has all those.. six degree, snowball effect, etc groups / experiments?

i take delight in the fact that by ignoring those invites, i have effectively killed them :D

so mean but :D :D

wow i actually spent my morning doing work. except its only been like 2hours worth -.-

yay i finally have scotch tape -> i can finally wrap my books -> i can finally READ THEM.

ok wtv im being ocd kay ^^

in other news, i need to improve my handwriting on whiteboards -.-

hohum. bored again.

7654340

2009-12-01T09:11:00.001+08:00

The scale of the black hole looks too small, it should be much much bigger than a very big spaceship.

(y)

i just remembered. we need to take a math quiz when we go back to school -.-

sigh. my bro has some conference starting today for the rest of the week.

which leaves me in charge of the people.

fuggggg.

and ive spent my time playing star rush. such that i hold the record for it. -.- one digit away.

uh its a game by fcs

suturing lacerations with honey

2009-11-30T22:41:00.001+08:00

gnyorrmph.

im wasting my time.

im really bored 75% of the time.

too many 'i shouldnts but i want to'.

on a sidenote, a teenage girl who killed a.. 9? year old girl coz the former wanted to know how it felt.

2009-11-30T09:02:00.002+08:00

http://theonlinecitizen.com/2009/11/why-i-prefer-canadas-education-system-world-ranking-or-not/

seriously guys, read it. read that article.

i have to counter though, that there are singaporeans who rise above, and become the marathon runners. they, win the marathons. it becomes a case of fast and steady.

sad thing is, too few.

meanwhile, i feel like one of the typical singaporean kids mentioned in the articles, except i dont do my work. -.-

sigh, i want to take a gap year. zzz. but i cant really imagine my parents allowing me to ever ever do that.

._.

i want to take a gap year!!

rawrr. the article brings me back to the previous posts, 'happiness' now by helping in small tasks very often or 'happiness' later by amassing large fortunes and using the money for others and yourself.

sigh.

the egg thing was interesting. hunts for original article.

2 sides of veggie and one side of meat.

2009-11-29T19:48:00.001+08:00

since i cant get to blogger to edit and leave a footnote in my post,

i hope that just sparked something in you guys too. i would like to hear your comments on the post. that said, no harm done if there arent any. its just been ages since ive done a non-frivolous post. im back in that ---- mood again though.

this is the part where i sigh so softly it doesnt warrent me typing out a 'sigh'.

sunny side up eggs please.

2009-11-29T19:43:00.004+08:00

im feeling really bored.
so i started blog-hopping. heres back at you kai.

and then im now in this odd ---------------------- kind of mood. i dont really feel anything except a tinge of guilt. but its just a tinge, so small its almost negligible. yet because its the only thing im feeling right now, its ballooning.

yet i dont feel inclined to take action to resolve the matter.

im in that mood where i dont feel like doing anything.

i dont really feel like teasing out all the tangled strands of thoughts. i have issues spotting the tangle myself. but its just exerting a mild pressure, just enough so im aware its there, tangible enough for me to untangle.

but im not motivated to untangle it.

because this blog, it isnt my mind. this blog, is public.

and its publicness is enforcing censorship.

meanwhile. lets chuck in some mindless drivel on my time here.

we were invited for lunch at someone's place. some neighbour.

two girls. 20 and 22. only the 20 could speak english.

she met a russian guy 3 years ago. he left a year ago. it sounds serious. she wants to go to russia more than any other place in the world.

she was 17.

the 22yo is moving to another province within the next few days.

they met through a real estate guy.

22yo was wearing hot shorts, pixie-faced. her mum lives in america, the rest of her family, somewhere else in vietnam.

the 20yo lives by herself. shes a student. the rest of her family lives somewhere else in vietnam. very friendly.

my first question really, was how did they pay for the rent? the 22yo isnt studying, neither is she working, she just cooks and cleans for the 20yo.

when we came back, my bro asked for my impression of them. i wasnt sure what to say. so i asked if he wanted a general impression or a particular one on a certain aspect. he said my overall impression.

i said they were friendly.

he asked if i had anything else to add. i paused, and believed it wasn't nice to insult his friends, people ive known only for an hour or two, so i countered saying that was my general impression and that was what he asked.

he continued to say that his sixth sense tells him they... he trails off.

i nodded. i was relieved.

now i am worried. what do they do along the course of their short walk.

streetwalkers are called so because they walk the streets.

i think that just pushed away the guilt. and now its a mixture.

still, not a very nice mixture.

kind of like bittergourd, if you get what i mean. then again, who usually does.

saw marshys quote. "The pursuit of perfection is one of the largest obstacles to happiness." i remember a version of that, why do we chase after perfection, what does it mean to us. an episode of house, had an 17+ iq guy dumb himself so he could be happier.

my sis, was offered a permanent job as a teacher. im not sure what permanent means, dont they sign 2year contracts. not the point. her main defense for taking up teaching, was that the pay is sufficient, right now she lives on a 400$ pocket money. but she frequently runs out of money. my parents pay for her housing, her utilities, her school fees.

the pay is maybe 2600. or 3200. im not sure. there is also a upfront grant of 6000 for nie. she has never had 6000 in her account at any one time.

she plans to quit and become a tuition teacher. but really, she harbours hopes of becoming a true blueblooded taitai.

she has no real ambition. she doesnt plan on becoming ceo or anything. she ceased her pursuit of perfection, she lives contented, but she also has a track record of not achieving perfection. i cant say for sure that she tried to and failed, but neither can i say for sure that she never tried.

but i do know, she doesnt believe herself capable of achieving perfection in terms of monetary wealth, of becoming a million-, billionaire. not to say that im striving to become one.

but how, does one family, raise two children 3 years apart, so differently?

my brother, aims to become a billionaire, and believes himself more than capable of doing it. its not arrogance, but sheer confidence and knowing he will put in the neccessary effort. i quote, he will doing anything for his first million. of course, dont take it that literally.

my sister, is average. perhaps slightly above average. not in terms of intelligence, but in terms of singaporeans. the average singaporean lives an understated life, working for 40 years. the average singaporean, whines their way through the 40 years of work. they are not happy at work, for its only a means of obtaining a salary. but the work takes up so much time, they dont really have the daily time to enjoy it. i know, i am generalising. but screw you, my dear whiny reader.

she is above average, because she has come to terms with the pursuit of perfection. she will be one of those, who may work a decent amount of years but still feel contented. she may, however, still be touted as a selfish person, unconcerned with the greater good and the suffering in other countries. same as the average singaporean. which brings me to my next example.

my brother. he dreams, no, he works to become a billionaire. he runs a start-up, perhaps 3-4 months old, that has not earned a single cent. yet. he works 6 days a week, from 7 to 5, and often late in the night as well.

you may say, ah but he has the opportunity, the lack of burden that allows him to not receive any income for a year.

but my dear friend, right now, he is living and paying for 6 other people's lives with his savings. the savings from the single year he worked in new york. while i was running errands for him, i took a peek at the documents i was handling, his account balance is somewhere in the region of 60,000. close your mouths. im not quite sure how he saved that in a year, not with his rent and food and car. but i am pretty sure my parents have channeled funds to him over the months.

still, it is a pretty impressive collection for a year, considering how he has stopped asking for money.

before you rant on about his opportunity to attend an ivy league school, he paid for at least half his tuition through the stock market. more, i believe, than majority of other singaporean ivy leagues without scholarships. oh, he too had a scholarship. hmm. even better a proof.

he dreams, to one day open a university in vietnam, a free, quality university. i should wake him up now, but it will break my train of thought. he doesnt mind losing money running it, because he wants to train people through it, for his business. of course he wont end up hiring all of the graduates. it may be a financial loss but it wont be a i-cant-remember-the-word-he-used loss.

he believes life is meaningless if you dont improve and add meanig to other people's lives. he, seeks perfection.

he believes in using all the gifts he has. i think, he was trying to urge me to do more with my life. because, i am supposed to be as gifted as, or even more than, him. it was sheer luck that we were born the way we were. and when he looks at other people slogging their way through lives, doing the best they can, yet because of their circumstances, their best simply isn't enough, he will shame if he does not do the best he can. again, i quote, 'i dont know how i will ever live with myself', he trails off.

he seeks perfection, but she does not. how convenient that they are of different genders.

i shall wake him up now. its six thirty.

continues-.

should i, or should i not, seek perfection. where from, do i derive happiness. is my personal happiness worth not seeking perfection, worth not seeking to improve other people's lives.

i have lived contented, but often bored and not always truly happy. but rather, in the state where i simply lack unhappiness.

there are these two schools of thought. millions of people subscribe to either one. it would not be a sin for me to choose one instead of the other.

but this is a personal choice. society, cannot, and should not, pressure me into subscribing to a certain one.

did you know, from a study, around 45% of americans believe god created man more or less the way he currently is now, within the last 10,000 years. i was surprised at it.

i can weigh both options, i believe i know what i will be getting into if i were to pick either one. i know my options, but i lack a basis with which to choose. do i want to be contented and take the easy route, or do i want to improve other people's lives and work hard, achieving a purer happiness?

the logical answer, would be the latter. because if you eventually decide not to, you will already be closer to the pinnacle of perfection.

but i need to make my choice right now. i cant afford to dither around anymore. im just afraid i will do the latter merely halfheartedly, which will then result in the former.

the moment i choose, and believe in the latter, it will immediately affect my life.

so why, am i not choosing to believe in the latter now? because its harder, and i will lose my immediate happiness, or rather, contentment.

well, that ended up pretty far from where i started. this post took up about 50mins. ha, do remember, vietnam is an hour slower than singapore, but i am still posting according to singapore time.

there was an issue posting. blogger died. im not sure if i double posted this. oops if i did.

2009-11-28T10:14:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA. my bro is having a hangover.

thats what you get for waking me up rawr.

went to sleep about 12? he came home abt 1230. w approx 1-3 girls idk. left quite soon after that. but idk coz i wore both my earbuds.

damn loud please.

found alot of beer cans in the bin like.. 8? shrugs.

HANGOVER HAHAHAA.

2009-11-26T21:48:00.001+08:00

OMGGGGGGGGGG HI BLOGGGGGGGER!!!!!!!!

I CAN ACCESS THY!!1

but i dont really have anything to say LOL.

okies BYEEEEEEEE. live to see another day!

v-ie-t n-am. two words.

2009-11-26T09:47:00.001+08:00

im on my fourth comp of the morning ;_;
coz apparently all the comps are being used tody and ive gone and picked comps in the order of people coming. zz. unluckaye.
cant access fb and cant access blogger. figured i could still email posts to blogger. shrugs.

ok. vietnam. uh. quite bored. ive finished 3/4 books. im refusing to start on the nonfiction books until theyr wrapped. meanwhile, i need to go buy scotchtape. except apparently we shall visit the supermart only once a week on sundays -.-
coz we walk.

;_; foood. plain. same!!! like almost all the meals at the same place. and dinner is always the same. lunch usually got some lunch special or sth.

AHHHHHH I HAD AN ODD DREAM LAST NIGHT.

i dreamt of the ki selection test ._.''''' the topic! yes i can still rmbr that. it was sth abt math. yea like math is useful or sth. shooooz. i rmbr staring at my paper in my dream. and but i cant really rmbr the content now. and then i flipped the paper looking for more space to write. and then i realised it had to be less thn 400 words. promptly erased the first draggy intro / half. -.- n there was like a sample answer on a different topic. n i freaked coz i was running out of time n i should hve read instructions.

you know what this means? this means too much mlia. and that i should study for the ki test. i rmbr thinking during the dream that i should hve studied -.-

and tht i was using a pencil O.O sat much.

mmm what else. the vietnamese my bro hired, their english is alot better than my chinese ;_; but my chinese is just phailxzxz.

we played on the ps2 a few times. 2/3 times? fun :D

mmm videoconfing w my mum/sis = complaining/slamming my bro (Y).

no ice creme!! zz yoghurt. he chills his fridge to the temp where the yoghurts texture is like tofu. it wobbles. -.-
quite cute. tastes the same though.

wobble.

hehe. realised im not really buying anything frm bf sales. maybe just a snuggie. -.- everything else is in my amazon cart. and shipping was/is very expensive. sigh. 5.385->60+

definitely not getting the air hockey table.

at least my mum will have abt 2-3weeks to freak out whilst im still here. hehe.

im sleepy. oh. sleeping. my hours are now... wake up at 645 be presentable by 7 randomly look like im doing work. / do work. / run out of comps for me to use -> go upstairs and sleep/read. -.- and then we go for lunch at 1130~. lunch until 1. usually sit below at some benches in a messy grass garden until 1. er. yea. they leave abt 430-5+ dinner bt 630. usually closes at 7? shrugs. we went down at 730 ytd coz my bro was coding in-the-zone. -.- mmm. after dinner snack ie yoghurt / fruits whilst watching anime/movie. dvd shop right below (Y). then.... i play around. he codes. sleep arnd 930-11+ depending i guess. shrugs. ps2 usually last item if at all.

argh wasting alot of time. when im bored i go onto amazon. BAAAAAAD.

n i read articles. i finished half a year's of weird news. zz. engadget + google news + allkpop + cuteoverload + mlia + fml + gmh + cnet.
NOT ENOUGH. T.T!!!!
mel coming 2nd dec. think my mum is passing her more books (y) for me. hehe. and i htink im supp to pss mums colleague the books ie finished? WHATS UP W THIS KEYBOARD. /STAB.

sigh. ok. now im bored again.

and since its the workplace i cant really blatantly play. ;_;

2009-11-22T23:19:00.002+08:00

booya.

hello peeps. im in vn now. sibilant language o.0 lalala.

ok i dont really have anything to say. errr.

so far.. ive meet my bros employees. uh i cant really rmbr all their names -.-

food here is kinda bland.

im supposed to masquerade as an employee too o.o i think im going to say im... 19 studying ba or sth. beep. coz someone asked me when i came and i O.Oed and blur-ed out.

lala. weather here alot more awesomer than at sg.

kinda boring here.

lalalaalaa

2009-11-19T01:18:00.003+08:00

OH i rmbr.

i went to wiki my bday.

in the Bahá'í calendar, whatever that is, its the FEAST OF POWER!! hehe.

in egypt its the day of love. chu~<3

italy, victory day.

feast day for three roman catholic saints.

feast of our lady of kazan for the russian orthodox church

hahah spy a pattern? FOOOOOD.

theres also a day of ppls unity in russia and a flag (what.) day in panama.

haha vaguely amused.

im made of power love victory and foodxalot :D

2009-11-19T01:09:00.002+08:00

vaguely amused.

went to buy an ipodt for my bro's vn thingy. apparently the guy i got it from was 19. he figured i was in uni ie same year/ older than him. i was... wearing uhh typical floppy shirt + pants + flipflops.

i think i look old.

coz its not the first time people guessed i was arnd 20. some ... russian person at iggy + in us too. what else. idk cant rly rmbr but general impressoin.

amused.

also cabbed to mfa the other day, totally couldnt converse in chinese. cabbie asked if i was msian. lols. how was i supposed to know govmtl organisations' names in chinese. >_>

lets go party. now work that body. random kpop sounds.

heehee. got songs frm e. playing~~.

i like fire. the song. im pyrophobic. oh... that isnt a word. oh well u get the idea.

flying on sat morn. haiz. still need to do alot of crap. zz. got my speakers up (Y)

ahaha i have an ipod t sitting in my bag right now and im tempted to go make it mine. since he koped mine. shant

it feels cool to be able to take photos of stars. i used to try doing that w a pns o.0 thats point n shoot btw. er complete fail. i feel vaguely happy knowing i can probably try taking photos of the moon.

chuu~.

ai goo ai goo goo goo.

D: i cant rmbr what else i wanted to say.

oh jenny what are you doing >_> ILL BE SHOW/SERIAL-LESS UNTIL 17TH DEC!!!! or somewhere there. D: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

2009-11-18T16:42:00.002+08:00

ok. watched gg, checked out mv for badromance. my stance on lgg still stands.

its not a good one.

her eyes are freaking buggy.

anw camped out under the stars ytd night. no its not as nice as it sounded. granted it was cool enough but >_> grass / mat not that large + bugs. aik headache. there were maybe 10 or so meteors that night but i saw only about 5. i think that was the avg or slightly above le.

didnt have much entertainment.

ok. went to run errands for my bro. 21 leedon park is freaking pretty. bloody hell. and uh went to send more money. believe me when i saw, sixth avenue is EPIC when there is heavy rain.

EPICx10hundred1000million.

its TOTALLY flooded.

i was er wearing my adidas coz i didnt realise it had such poor drainage >_> shoes completely drowned. $92 ftw. water definitely above ankles. zz.

anw hmm. yes. i think thats about it. gg is just weird now. random.... scandalous events.

@710 OH i forgot to post this! oops.

2009-11-16T19:33:00.003+08:00

:o chinese is haunting me.

i had this... nightmare?, well it couldnt have been a dream, last night.

about SHIT THERE WAS A POPUP BUT I WAS TYPING AND NOW ITS GONE. WHAT HAPPENED.

about chinese.

there was some... paper i completely forgot about and thus didnt have my dictionary.

completely bombed it.

-.-

falalaaaaaaaaaaa. i think i have a sore throat coming :O a week b4 vn. not good. sigh.

2009-11-16T02:20:00.002+08:00

this sucks tyvm.

more errands.

asdfghkjklsoidfuasofdsajfkawjefjnadsc~!

GAH.

gah gah gahhhhhhhh.

2009-11-16T01:43:00.003+08:00

ahmygod.iwanttoreadspoilerscozicantstandit.butiknowillhatemyselffordoingit. AHHHHHH. shaltnot.

bleargh. feeling so bleargh. i finished s1 of alias. but each ep is 45mins long AND ITS ALMOST TWO. i cannotcannotcannotcannotcannot start watching s2 now. eeeeeeeee.

shootzzzzzzz.

WHATAMIDOINGWMYLIFE.

you know. when i look back at my blog, and reread posts. it feels so... new again. the posts dont feel like me. i can recall typing them out posting them. but they just dont seem like me after i post them.

they become.. part of a distant? past. i post em, i move on.

each moment feels so... disconnected.

oh. approx 1/2h ago, kq was on kais acc. and then i recalled the other day in kais house/room. it feels so... warm.

it feels happy and nice and childish (its good). maybe it was the presence of warm furry critters or the not so warm furry... critters. maybe it was kai. maybe it was te whole mindset of going there to play.

actually, i think it was kai. this wont seem too accurate since im mincing my words [suspects thats a negative connotation but screw it.] but kais childish and she revels in it. [its still in a good way, kai.]

anw, point was, it felt so different. it felt comforting.

my room feels cold [literally too actually. ac 12/7 more or less. probably more.].

the stupid cow just sits there and it looks retarded. so does squishy and wtv else. i think theres a rabbit. and pooh. wtv. idk. they just feel tainted and i avoid them to a.. .certain degree.

the colours, the lack of sunlight, the presence of nth much makes it.. cold. i dont bother to brighten up the place because whatever makes you happy is a weakness.

this is why, i want to go overseas for the uni. not so much about the quality of education [seriously i dont actually care about that.]. i want the change of environment. the complete change.

i want to move out.

i want to be able to go out on the streets, randomly say hi. and not feel retarded. well i dk. i probably wouldnt anyway. but its a nice thought.

i like going places, putting myself in new environments so that i can be myself whoever myself was at that time. because i feel obligated to stay the same i was when i first made connections. until i dont care of course. in which case there wont be much of myself anw.

mmhm, the bigger your investment, the larger your returns. but there are bad investments. and yes, because of that 1%, id rather not for the 99%. not in these matters anyway.

there. i wrapped up another ball. time to click that orange button and throw it away into cyperspace.

exhales.

i wonder. when.

2009-11-15T22:53:00.003+08:00

vaguely amused by kais blogpost.

although.

kai dont freak.

#1 sheep arent actually that cute. theyr messy and... dirty. no seriously. the way they poop is.. ><

o.0 dont really have a no.2. nvm.

went to buy ice cream. got carried away. bought alot of crap/snacks. teehee. then my mum went too and she bought more stuff. amused. its so easy to hit $50 when ur talking snacks. zz.

been watching alias dvds my mum borrowed frm the lib.

zz dont feel like going for the talk tmw evening. sian.

do it. chu~. AHHH watched the inkigayo thing and now its stuck in my headddd.

I BIT MY LIP AND IM GETTING AN ULCER FRM IT DAMMIT. its making eating my chocolatecoatedraisins hard :(

cant wait for xmas to come. then all my us stuff will come :D well hopefully before xmas. but gah not looking forward to orientation next year. sigh. mass dance / fac dance. zzz. how do they pick partners. height? o.o LOL the day they use a kpop song for a mass dance. lol.

dumdumdum. my bro has no workstation for me in vietnam. -.- wonders what ill do. frolick around and test games (y). doubt it though. zzz.

what now. more online shopping. yes.

2009-11-14T23:10:00.002+08:00

this is scary.

i need to stop being so... awed.

i need to be awesome ^^. no im jk.

zzz. anw. confidence. is. key.

actually this isnt the point.

i came here to say. that politics and leaders and... power is scary.

yea. power.

these.. leaders in politics. have alot. of power.

i finally get why they try so hard to teach us morality and ethics. its always been a yeaaaaa uhhuh. but now. i get a better sense of just how important it is.

2009-11-14T21:25:00.001+08:00

i realise. i used to get miniature queasy feelings / butterflies when i walked away frm my parents when they call me.

i realise. i no longer do.

o.o

2009-11-14T18:05:00.002+08:00

well well well. its about time. its dragged on for long enough.

lets see itll actually go through this time.

went for d today. two of ryans classes >_>'' freddy was there pls y was it ryan aieeeeeeee. prolly going on wed.

wonders if capoeira is available as a cca in hc o.o looks cool.

dumdumdedum. i need my ipod T.T

i feel like sleeping o.o

rambles.

2009-11-14T00:34:00.002+08:00

if i had a fat hamster, id name it chase/chace.

:D

although,

if i had a fat hamster, i wldnt have it anymore.

[since id probably squish it to death :D]

squissshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-

2009-11-14T00:25:00.002+08:00

down down we gotta get down, down down blahblahbblahblahsthsthsth

eeeeeee stuck in my hea.d

i guess its better than earlier though.
had doraemon stuck in my head -.-'''''''

wahsian. rain like asdf alot today. ._. ran errands for my bro, notarised documents look so prettttttttty. :D [not all that glitters is gold. theres silver too. ok wtv.] uh went to suntec tower for that. o.o scary. the security thingy. zz. then went to supreme court to get stuff chopped/stamped/sth. and then when i came out RAINING LIKE CRAP AGAIN TYVM. the last time i was there was for the infocomm thing and excuse me, rain alot too please.

came out. slacked. went for d. lols decided not to buy ice cream to save money. and then when i got off the bus i went to 7/11 and bought chocolate hehehe. completely defeated the purpose. THERES WHITE KINDER BUENO, DID YOU KNOW?!

interesting taste.

downdownwegottagetdownsthsthsthcometomegirl.

comet haha.

called up like every [chain] of nikon resellers, amazons still the cheapest.

cant wait for vpost's xmas sales :D + 27th :D :D.

ya ya ya ya ya ok.

id also like to point out that these posts, are written by me, and therefore as their author, i can choose what to omit and what to include.

ih reliability ^^.

maybe there arent really white chocolate kinder buenos...

2009-11-13T00:57:00.001+08:00

HAHAHAHA. i want to get a 48" air hockey table. how does shipping work for THAT.

HAHAHA.

2009-11-12T23:03:00.001+08:00

YAY YAY YAY RELEVATION TIME.

my sis has very nicely identified why the opening part of 'in the club' sounds so familar. ^^!

the second half of the oh oh oh oh part more or less corresponds to the tune of im a big big girl in a big big world.

yay another mystery unraveled.

and i might as well.

2009-11-12T21:51:00.003+08:00

heeheehee. decided that 2ne1 was interesting.

so i went to look up their discography and proceeded to youtube them. :D

haha. i like this. ~~listen~~ read the lyrics. + the strobing + vaguely addictive tune

CAN SOMEONE IDENTIFY THE BEGINNING PART :O the thing sounds damn familar. kinda nice.

i like 2ne1.

this sounds familar too :X elmo cap hahaha vaguely amused that they made a song out of the experience of going to a club for the first time.

but i think 2ne1 is quite nice. i think whathernameis is a v good dancer. i cant find that clip where shes just freestyling or sth. oh well. btw er short haired one. yea.

realises everyone is looking forward to their trips, theyr going to have fun, theyr being all excited.

im feeling very..... .......... about my hols. i wanted to do something useful with these 2months. instead im doing things im not even excited about.

right now the only place i want to go is to italy. after i get my cam stuff of course. which will also leave me with v little money. not like i can go anyway since they wont let me go alone.

did you know italy isnt all that huge but it has the most unesco sites.

nods.

sigh. what am i doing.

running some errands for my bro tmw. and probably over the weekend too. and then prolly going for some stuff on mon and tues. but im completely unexcited about it. this is rubbish. ill have to look really interested though. ._.

apparently tmw im going to a lawyers followed by some law academy. and then on the weekend im going to the mfa and then the vn consulate. zzz.

saw some grad dinner pics on fb. everyone looks so... formal.

i wont bother to do a is-this-who-weve-become because its who theyve become. not us because us includes me. and i sure as hell aint one of them. theyve matured in their own way, and looking at some of the shit i do, i have too, in my own way.

sad though. -insert typical string of stuff on growing up and preservation of innocence-

ignorance isnt bliss, innocence is.

i guess thats what makes hy n x n z so... charismatic? even though i know the middle one is completely corrupted and not innocent at all, they just give off that vibe. its a i-want-to-be-like-that-too-but-i-cant kind of thing.

i must however, say again, that taylor momsen and chace crawford are very pretty.

fire eng translation.

[CL]
I go by the name CL of 2NE1
It's been a long time comin' but we here now
And we 'bout to set the roof on fire baby (Uh oh)
You better get yours, cuz I'm gettin' mine

[ALL]
Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh (2NE1)
Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh (You gotta ring the alarm)
Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh (We 2NE1)
Eh eh eh eh eh eh HEY HEY HEY HEY

[CL]
Come in, come in, come into another world
Turning back from the tiresome worries
La la la la to my natural hum
Ha ha ha ha so no one can ever sneer at you

[MINJI]
Now let's dance dance dance (Wanna get down)
I have a rather big dream dream dream
Cause I can do whatever I want with the world
For the great freedom tonight, tonight oh

[BOM]
My eyes are filled with shining stars
Even the light burning in my heart
Won't be forever, there's nothing to lose
Oh oh oh oh (Oh oh oh oh)
Oh oh oh oh yeah

[CL]
I want to go go go go go go go crazy
I want to run run run run run run run faster
To those tall buildings, towards the blue sky
I want to shout shout shout shout shout shout shout loudly

[SANDARA]
You got the fire, my heart goes bump bump bump
You gotta drop it like it's hot
Don't try to stop it now, ooo
The fire, my mind goes boom boom boom
I gotta drop it like it's hot
Don't try to stop it (Hey)

[CL]
Get up, get up, get up even if you fall down a lot
Even if the world I trusted in betrays me again
I I I I will never cry like a fool
Oh no no no, don't act sneaky like others do

[MINJI]
I'll bring you all the way to the end, follow, follow me
My heart's running fast enough to make me run out of breath
Somehow I don't hate it, I'm having fun
Don't be afraid, let it go
To a better tomorrow
Le-le-le-le-le-le-let's go!

[BOM]
My eyes are filled with shining stars
Even the light burning in my heart
Won't be forever, there's nothing to lose
Oh oh oh oh (Oh oh oh oh)
Oh oh oh oh yeah

[CL]
I want to go go go go go go go crazy
I want to run run run run run run run faster
To those tall buildings, towards the blue sky
I want to shout shout shout shout shout shout shout loudly

[ALL]
Scream!

Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh (2NE1)
Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh (You gotta ring the alarm)
Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh (We 2NE1)
Eh eh eh eh eh eh

[SANDARA]
So that your hair flutters flutters flutters flutters
Shake your booty gently gently gently gently
So that your hair flutters flutters flutters flutters
Shake your booty gently gently gently gently

[CL]
Shake it UH

I want to go go go go go go go crazy
I want to run run run run run run run faster
To those tall buildings, towards the blue sky
I want to shout shout shout shout shout shout shout loudly

I always want to be free like today
Heh-

2009-11-11T23:35:00.003+08:00

you know how they say the devil's in the details?

it is, it really is. and right now its hiding in the details waving its sordid fat ass plus tail at you.

its laughing, its laughing at you.

its the smallest details that piss me off. because its easier to fake things when theyr oh-so-huge and grandiose. all it takes a splash of paint onto a picture for it to look completely different [or a coffee stain if u get my reference].

a cursory glance might make you go cool.

but to truly impress someone, its the finesse youve dealt the details with that makes someone go Wow.

that is why, sometimes i dont like people that other people like. its that one tiny thoughtless gesture that reveals the person's character more than anything else.

its also that one tiny thoughtful gesture that makes me warm and fuzzy.

im no saint, i would piss alot of people off its just that i dont know them anyway.

戴着面具的生活[damn i cant rmbr.] is very tough and 很无奈.

its tough because u need to upkeep ur appearance all the way. u cant let the mask fall, not even for a second, because thats all it requires for the audience to realise.

i try not to burn my bridges.

someone once mentioned that the closer u get, the more u know about a person and the less u like the person.

yes yes 爱屋及乌 but wtv.

its 1144 and im sleepy.

shant continue this now.

taylor momsen + chace crawford = pretty.

2009-11-11T23:28:00.002+08:00

blue gorilla.

thats my euphemism for i poke you.

blue gorilla.

anyway, i think i just spent my whole day in front of my comp.

online shopping + serials.

my cart now contains approx 1100usd @@.

i watched... 2eps of gg, 1 ep of house. 1 or 2 eps of heroes.

:x

the only... nonretarded thing i did today was liaising btwn my bro n jess.

do it do it chu~.

i cant wait for xmas to come. or at least get nearer. so that vpost will give me a nice discount on shipping from us.

im getting charged gst for my lens. :( thats like 50sgd zz!

ah wellies.

realised ill be flying alone again. this time to vietnam and <2h haha.

i feel tired.

i want my ipod.

i think i wont be getting me a new ipod/iphone. ill just get the money frm my mum to pay for the lens or sth.

laaaalaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

OH OH OH OH OH OH!!!!!!!!

TAYLOR MOMSEN + CHACE CRAWFORD = BLOODY AWESOME GENETICS FTW.

:D

so pretty.

2009-11-11T14:26:00.002+08:00

sigh. that day in the shower, i was thinking about something and related it to water. and then i realised the analogy fitted really really well, something about it being in a particular state [snow] that something would happen.

BUT I CANT REMEMBER WHAT I WAS RELATING IT TO ABOUT.

>__< i remember thinking it was such a perfect analogy. zzzz.

ordered pizza + wings frm dominos awesome, reached in like <20 mins coz its so near haha. ordered halfnhalf for hawaiian and cheese thingy w crunchy thin crust. my godddddddddd it was like eating biscuits w toppings! it was so thin! and crunchy! like that fake-leaf leaf xeo ^^.

aie, wanted to sleep in damn late today and basically rot about. but my bro convinced my sis to wake me up at 11 for 'urgent' stuff. he was asking me for jess' email. .____.

bah.

kais fat hamster crawls up shoelaces. abs.

its so... cool to hold them in a pinch-vise thingy. like pinch their errr middle part to carry them. then they wriggle :D its so furry so warm so small so.... fragile.

squishhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

this is why i cant get tiny pets. ill just squash them. its so... tempting.
(:

ytd went to uh. cine to watch this is it + gloria jeans for potato salad and chocolate obscenity cake which was a ripoff. ._. not that nice for $8 please. zzz.

oh then went to kais hse. played w hamsters + dog. I GOT SCRATCHED TWICE. rawr. took photos but v diao so nvm nvm.

left arnd 9+? kai was O.Oing coz her parents wldn even let her out to the mrt at that timing alone. and i was er travelling rather far to get home.

realises though, that even though people always say sg is so safe and u can just strut arnd at night, i dont feel safe. maybe im just paranoid but i like to think that i only take calculated/managed risks.

i want to go to balestier/geylang for the street photog thingy but... im not going there alone at night. ._.

my camera alone makes me a target zzz. and im not that keen on using it to hit people. its heavy + (y) but er $$ yea.

its only 235. i want to go back to sleep. :X

ahhhhhhhhhhhh my water-epiphany! -.-

2009-11-09T21:09:00.001+08:00

for elsa.

for me :D :D

so cute :D

both of them~

btw my bro saw me watching chu on my ipod and he o.0ed and said they were quite good. :D lols

2009-11-09T19:19:00.003+08:00

shit man.

i feel vaguely happy but vaguely dissatisfied.

went for 2x chi remedial today, w yangls and chenls. yangls was being very... loud and er giving out alot alot of food to keep us awake. so nice. went to adams foodcourt for lunch. hadn been there in absolute ages. chenls was being very :o and jingzhang and vaguely hyper. mrs seah gave us food. huge packet of noodles, shared amongst us - ls, chels claire elsa pling and i. marshy too!!

rain rain rain.

was vaguely happy during chi remedial for some reason.

even though os tmw.

came home, finished an ep of heroes and half an ep of greys.

read gmh.

yea so thats why im feeling vaguely smiley.

but the smiles dont quite reach my eyes coz theyr not hugeass smiles coz i feel dissatisfied.

why so?

coz i still feel wer all being idiots.

you know how you always hear people saying 'oh dont fret over small stuff' 'dont worry it wont be impt ten years down the road' 'be happy' 'studies arent everything'. but see, they can only say that because theyve gone through that, because theyve beat the system by excelling in it. [this is somewhat reiterated by tanml]

so as much as id like to be happy and just carry on like this, w.o rly caring abt my grades, i cant. coz it IS still impt. id like to say that 我想通了，我领悟了, i know studies arent impt. but i cant, because im still a student.

and thats only part 1. thats not really the 'wer being idiots' part. thats just the 'im being an idiot' part.

the 'wer' part, is that we fret over the smallest of things, the most ridiculous of things. if you ask me for an example, i cant rly be bothered to dredge one up frm the depths of my memory. AHA you say, im contradicting myself. because it didnt impact me deeply enough for easy access. well screw it thats my impression and i dont really want to keep all this at the surface of my thoughts. do you?

yea im not the most grateful of people, in fact i take things for granted. because 'its my life anyway their lives dont affect me'. i shouldnt be talking about stuff like this, not when i dont do it. but similarly, screw it. this is the part where i concede the oppositions point.

温室里的花朵，经不起风雨。

[no im not actually studying chinese now.]

but heck, thats what i think we all are. seriously? its kind of like singaporean news. when we dont have that many 'major' events to report that the papers report random odd things. when our scales shrink and this small matters are magnified in our eyes.

d-uh, i rant abt retarded things too. i understand that sometimes we do stuff just to get it out and then we move on. but sometimes, these things just piss me off.

i dont care, and neither should you.

[tada then why shld u care abt my post. tada she contradicts herself again.]

its just. sometimes. we really are lucky. even though wer not perfect, our families arent perfect, our lives arent perfect, but wer still pretty damned lucky.

and yea, because its luck dammit.

as much as we'll all like to say 'diligence will get you everywhere' yada wtv shit, luck is a pretty huge factor. of course you could spend months tracking down that one savior but ya know, for some people theyr just lucky enough to meet them w.o all that.

bottomline is, recognise when your whining about small retarded crap, you dont have to stop it, it helps you 发泄, but just recognise it.

2009-11-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

:o my bros taking my ipod w him to vn tmw. :o

dies-

2009-11-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah yeah yeah.
oh yeah oh oh oh yeah, im feeling good.

even though papers on tues and tmw is a whole freaking day of chi remedial, so
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

coz my mum asked abt me giving my ipod to my bro for the app devs. i was quite >_>, he raised it before but never really er settled it. so i said he could only use it for the duration im there. and she said, give him lor then get new one.

woooooooots.

but not yet. coz i just told her its approx 450sgd -.-. so she O.Oed at me and asked me to ask my bro again if he needs the ipod [i think i can tweak his ans regardless of what it is to sound like a yes xp]. but she didnt outrightly say no. ahahaha. she did go why so exp though. but shrugs. OH HES HOME.

and jess is going to get paid for designing chars etc. lols.

o.o eh. that doesnt sound like him. that sounds like. my aunt o.o .______.

anw if get i think get arnd xmas coz apple usually has xmas sales :D :D

and then the age-old question, do i want a phone or do i want an ipod.

sigh.

did YOU know, the ipod 3gs have voice recognition @@ launched 09/09/09 haha.

2009-11-08T15:26:00.002+08:00

ok i guess 3 posts ago ive more or less done the whole aww-wer-graduating-therefore-i-shall-blog-about-it thing.

cant wait for tues. when thats over, i can consider my whole ny experience over.

yeaaaaaaaaaa~!

went for philo dialogue at ri, wtf it was like a socratic seminar -.- WE WERE SUPPOSED TO TALK. i thought we were just there to listen. -.- there were... almost ten groups? each group had a best speaker, two guys and the rest were girls. 2 frm sota, 1? frm mgs, er maybe 1 frm somewhere else, the rest were raffles people. the two guys were frm ri and both topics were girlfren frm hell. lols

quite interesting/engaging/stimulating. i want to take ki. vaguely amused, the mgs girl ie our scribe wrote stimulating but isnt it simulating >_>

went to sls after that w my bro, promptly forgot EVERYTHING i was supposed to get ie yings extra battery, scv splitter, shooooootxzxzx there were more WHAT. gahhhhhhhhh. -.-

think my bro spent like 1k there ._. bulk was on a refurbished macbook. zz

bagoose.

goose.

pigpen.

uh slightly the failed. dont think i particularly like any pics frm fri, just photospams. shrugs.

2009-11-08T10:19:00.001+08:00

i want nobody nobody but chu~ <3
HAHA.

2009-11-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

feeling vaguely excited.

huimay + ruio might take computing too.

thats 4 girls frm the same class.

2 guys this year.

awesome.

2009-11-05T22:46:00.003+08:00

shootxzxzxzx.

watched bleach during dinner and now the opening line is stuck in my head :o

i realise the screaming pain...........

-.-

i really dk what to say abt amyetc's prez. its so... random -.-''''

slept from like 6 to 9 :D

ah. wer graduating tmw. i still dont have a pic i like of our whole class.... shall bring my cam tmw. not that ill get to use it during grad ceremony. theres this whole sense of relief but its tinged with a sense of finality. yet the relief is precisely because its over.

paid my (library) dues. haha. cap of 10$/book anw so -.-

see im now 16, but what has changed? nothing really. my perceived significance of birthdays have been steadily decreasing. all i want now is my chocolate banana cake. must stop sis from getting me some other... cake she wants. +++ chocolate banana cake bigger ^^.

去年的今天，在北京，在上学，但在玩耍。也因为了前天而感到开心。今年的今天，在新加坡，在上学，有点的玩耍，有点的紧张。但根本不因昨天感到开心。明年的今天又如何。
明年的今天，也能说是一个新的开始的终结。明年413‘09也终于解散了，有的到外国，大部分留在这。有点舍不得，但也只是稍微的舍不得。明年又加了男性，真的不想看到朋友们变得花痴。也许是因为感到尊严被侮辱了。咳，也不懂为什么我在用华语写。

明年，当我们在学校走着，看到彼此，还会打招呼吗？即使有，后年呢？
啊，明年的课外活动，又会遇到某些人，不要。

明年谁会还在我身边，我会遇见怎样的人呢？

有点可惜的是，全集也还会在，不知得罪了谁，希望他们不会在同一班。

come tuesday, itll all be over. our class will not be together as a whole again, maybe we will have gatherings etc, but itll all be over.

the papers, the teachers, the scenery. a fundamental part of me doesnt like change. i may move with it, but i dont have to like it.

somehow i dont feel all that worried about chinese, fail then fail lor. so what. next year fail also just drop chinese what.

the world is so huge, opportunities abound, wer only limited by money and time. and other commitments such as [feel the scorn in my voice] school.

yea and this is it. a new chapter, a short, possibly fast-paced and overwhelming chapter but the book just keeps getting better.

hell yeah. let us move on, regardless of whether wer being driven, whether wer just drifting or whether wer limping.

i realise the screaming pain
hearing loud in my brain
but im going straight ahead
with this scar.

2009-11-05T01:07:00.002+08:00

damnnnnnn amused. my bro <3 orisinal ._. i also diu-ed lian-ed when i died at the bunny game -.-

used to be awesome at it. during cca. ahahaha. s2.

2009-11-05T00:43:00.000+08:00

vaguely amused. facebook is amazing.

some guy i dont actually recall talking to AT ALL from iggy wished me happy birthday -.- im not sure if hes even american or british -.-!!

people i completely didnt expect to wish me, did o.o! ahhh i missed 11.11 -.-

okay so heres how my day went..

got to sleep in a little bit more, like... 15mins -.-, skipped foa and went to supreme court for youth infocomm seminar. at cityhall apparently the hc people waited since 8 for the rest of the ny people. im still not sure why they did that. on the other hand, they didnt have a teacher so maybe they were just lost.
speakers were, Rear Admiral [interesting title!] Ronnie Tay, CEO, IDR whats the R o.o, linus tham cio of raffles medical group, teresa lim, managing director of ibm singapore, tan min liang, CHIEF GAMER [wts] and creative director of Razer, Chak Kong soon CEO and managing partner of Stream Global. woah. name drops. @@.
zz i hope this doesnt turn up on google. first two were vaguely boring. had a tea break. :o apple crumble (y). tan min liang said to call him min and my immediate response was miin -.-'' oh he was founder cum ceo but recently stepped down to play games. mr chak was not as boring as the first two but also less engaging than tml. panel discussion, was half braindead and couldnt formulate a coherent question so i didnt bother -.- lunch session but didnt really eat.
went back to sch, had lunch in canteen, went up to hall for the dontforgetthelyrics. :o class sang happy birthday in the midst of technical difficulties @@. oh well at least they didnt get sal to do it w the mic at the stage. went to city hall to get watch (!) and wallet (hehe).
overkilled myself @ bnjs w chocolate therapy + brownie + hot fudge + whipped cream. gahhh $13.
slacked around at gloria jeans whereby i realised their potato salad was pretty good but i like small potatos + lots of the creamy thing + some crunchy veg. of course bacon bits are awesome haha.
went to yings hse slacked around until like.. 9?! my bro touched down at 8 ._.'''' he was early though, and my parents were late. they fetched him first~.
went for dinner at ah yat felt damn full and ah....~~ (contented sigh). although technically not my bday dinner yet ^^^^^^^. on saturday evening hehe.
OH i just realised im not on msn oops.
ahhhh chinese tmw. PLEASEEEEEEEE tell me i dont still have chinese remedial after a chinesey day -.-

zzz to go for philo talk or to go for chinese. see i SHOULD go for chinese but question is how much will it help me -__________-'

2009-11-04T00:43:00.002+08:00

>_>

>____________>

[i left my earphones in class~! @@ but not the point. but gahhh $$]

i realise, i want alot of things.
BUT I CANT CHUCK THEM INTO A BDAYWISHLIST COZ I HAVE TROUBLE AFFORDING THEM MYSELF. rawr.

i want:
f/1.4 lens [50mm i think.] >500.
fisheye converter. er havn checked but shld b near a hundred or >
macro/micro lens. couple hundred
canon ip100 portable photo printer... 300?
72mm cpl filter. 70?
spare battery... 60+
imba camera bag- prolly >100+++

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

._.''

o.0 wallet? its peeling.

GAHHHHHHH.

ok watch (y).

but. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

2009-11-02T22:48:00.003+08:00

vaguely amused. even marshy was surprised that i alrdy knew the assessment for ki etc even though ive mentioned alot to her before. -.- vaguely amused that the booklet was approx the same thing online too according to ying. shrugs, didnt really miss much today.

quite surprised that chels's msg was worse than mine. i really dk what to say to that considering our efforts.

bro's coming back on wed. 8.20pm. zz need to go buy stuff tmw. -.- likely that i wont actually buy frm sls but get online instead. rubbish.

i feel vaguely at a loss for what to do.

spoke to my bro online.
bro: ma said congratulations on not getting retained
me: -.-! is it that surprising?! ._.
bro: u set new records in the family
me: -.-!!

sheeeeeeeeeeet. i want to eat more ice cream. but todays food alrdy (n) + cold.

2009-11-02T18:09:00.004+08:00

id like to believe myself a good judge of character. well, a decent one at least anyway. although its kind of alot like other stuff, if i dont bother paying attention, nothing happens. shrugs. apparently for last year's trip, either a) they were being more obvious, or b) the people i was talking to just werent v gd at it. regardless, apparently i.. discerned? some... characters within 1-2 weeks that the people i was talking to took approx months to. o.o not the point. i guess my main trouble lies in spotting when people change. although most people's underlying psyches tend to stay the same.

anw, decent judgement of character + cautiousness have led me to make several decisions in the past. once in a while, i regret those decisions, i doubt myself and thought perhaps if i didnt make those decisions, things would be better, i would be happier. and then time passes, and i realise again, just as well i made those decisions, because they shielded me. because my judgement was right afterall.

1) i consciously make these decisions. and then i follow them. which leads to
2) by making these decisions, basing them on predictions, did i shape the 'future', in which the predictions came true? by making conscious decisions, did i unconsciously tweak my behavior to create a situation where the decisions were right?

again and again [:o kpop. :( bad girl.], those cycles of doubt and belief continue. although one in particular, it seems ive just been stuck in the belief part.

ok having been hijacked for an hour, i shall return to continue/ complete this.

o.o ok actually, there isnt much else to say. not that i can remember anyway -_-. its times like this i know i was right.

2009-11-01T21:34:00.002+08:00

heeheehee. i see midnightcookieschocolate being the competitor for phish food. :D interesting. a bit too cookieish for my taste though. shrugs.

ytd i swopped a left shoe w miru after dance o.o still not sure why i did that -.- adidas + wavy lines. hers were blue mine were red. same size. next sat changing back. -.-

my aunt straightened her hair + shortened o.0

AHHHHHHHHHHH.

chocolates floating arnd in my headddddddddd

2009-11-01T16:38:00.002+08:00

oh yea let me clarify something. the reason why i try to not er publicize this blog is so that my family doesnt know.

anw. grey's s06e...07?

lexie: i knew of this case where the surgery took 17 hours, the surgeon had four rotating assistants, one of whom just administered fluids.
yada yada yada
the ped's surgeon: wait so what happened to the patient
lexie: he died, thats why it was only 17 hours.

case was abt spinal tumour or sth.

vaguely amused.

2009-11-01T16:04:00.001+08:00

omgggggggggggg. i just realised this blog comes up under google. THE HECK?! ._. has been pretty fastidious in trying to keep this quiet. but i forgot this blog is still jing's. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. and i cant do anything. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

2009-11-01T14:13:00.002+08:00

interestingly, i told my mum i got all my grades back le. i continued to say that i would be promoted to j1 and grad cerem was next fri full-stop. and told her that the conversation was thus over. she o.0ed at me and basically ok-ed. shrugs.

2009-10-31T11:16:00.002+08:00

dumdumdeedum dum dum dee da da dum. @@.

bad girl mv :D :D

mmm waiting for dad to come home + send me to dance.

choreo was ._.'' i think it wldn have been that bad had i rmbred the whole thing zzz. + i forgot a nice step =.= oh well. at least they said the part i rmbred was nice. :X

i realise. yoseub is cute. and blonde. and out of the shinees, i think the blonde is the cutest too o.o same for bb. o.o -_-

siannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnned.

2009-10-29T23:04:00.002+08:00

you see. the thing is, when you hear people whining, crying, breaking down. its okay. because people who experience lows and manifest them? / let it out, work it out. it passes and then theyr back in the normal thing again. when u let ur frustration and sadness out, ur mood swings back.

people experience highs and lows.

yet im in that mood again, where im stuck somewhere between normal and low. sometimes, ice cream doesnt help. not when ur blindly eating it without an accompaniment of enjoyment. my books dont help, not when theyr gruesomely detailing murders or the sick psyche of murderers.

the only thing i can think of doing in cases like that, is to press the reset button, to go to sleep.

2009-10-29T22:31:00.002+08:00

i feel like im in a blogging mood. or rather a ranting mood i guess. i dont feel all that inclined to type everything, but its mainly because i dont really know whats going on in my head idea. [is typing whilst listening to bad girl. yoseub is cute.]

twitter peeps are trying to study chinese.

all in all, today has been a bad day.

did u notice, well not u obviously since the people reading this... prolly only xeo might, but the kpop guys rely veryyyyyy heavily on popping? probably followed by hh and then bboy. oh wait. locking too.

you know what. its happening again. im starting to feel inclined to stop blogging because of the same reason i stopped blogging ages ago. when people read ur blogs, u automatically have to censor content. i hate to do this, but im quoting miley cyrus -.- in her twitteraccdeletion vid, she was talking abt how she started living for the mooment and started living for people. of course, if this were ih/la, the reference is basically so rubbish the point is stupid. anw its just that i end up feeling i cant talk about certain stuff anymore.

all the other vaguely.... insightful?? thoughts ive posted, theyr really things that i cant be bothered if other people know. and theres only so far u can read into them, theres only so much to glean about me from them.

im just going to go sleep. but my aircon is so dead its not cold anymore.

2009-10-29T17:59:00.002+08:00

alright then. while its still vaguely fresh.

#1. jc subj combi- should i still take what i planned to take.
#2. everything will fall into place. the wrong mentality?
#3. having a back route/exit strategy. take the leap. but is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow leprechaun's gold?
#4. what can i learn, who should i learn from?
#5. self-serving. servant leadership.

and actually. im going to leave it as that.

2009-10-29T04:30:00.003+08:00

oh my god. its thursday.
recap?
waves: alternating, tracing, static, manipulating, multiple [i dont rmbr what this is anymore :o], ripple, bounce, ticking,... snaking?
tidal, somethingthatikeepwantingtocall-dinosaur -.- [some huge.. circular wave thingy. (ten minutes later, OH! cobra]
botting: dime-stop
fresno, shamrock, box glide, side glide, back slide, someweirdsidesteppythingy?/nekoflex? [shoot if not whats nekoflex.], air...stop?, compensation... @@. leg-roll, creep.... strobing? puppet. tutting. :o twistoflex shooot i cant rmbr that. walk out.

omggggggg. guess ill just have to do alot of random moves and hit ._.''
shoooooooooooooooooooooot.

wikipedia (y)

AHHHHHHHHHHHH IM GOING BACK TO BED.

2009-10-28T22:37:00.002+08:00

huh. looked at twitter. huhhhed. i wonder if my parents were more strict w me, would i have been more... inclined to study? o.0 or would there just be more !$#%!#$%!#$^#$!ness when they nag @ me, when i dont get good grades. o.0 food for thought. it can work both ways i guess. a book referenced this case where the parents were utterly normal and happy blahblahblah and the kid still turned out... bad. like...murderer bad. yup.

人之初，性本恶。 and then reference to something else, where society's restrictions are like circles. and as we grow older, we 'mature' because of society's restrictions. we grow within the circles and expected behaviors yada yada.

actually, i dont really subscribe to either... theory. because i believe that everything accumulates from experience. what pushes someone over to jealousy instead of happinessfortheotherperson? shrugs. brainchem.

okaaaaaay. thoughts have been sufficiently fed. very full.

if i think more now ill just kaboom.

MUST MUST MUST remember to wake up early to finish nyaa.

2009-10-28T22:24:00.005+08:00

you know what? im going to sleep now. after a teeny bowl/okayfineoneserving of cappuccino truffle :D

i have decided this flavor owns belgian choc + coffee.

lets see how cookies/midnight/wtvthelastwordofthenameis turns out.

im vaguely worried as to why im not feeling that worried abt results + chi paper. :X

----oops distracted---

ahaha @ how yoseub intros himself. :D :D

2009-10-28T22:23:00.000+08:00

huhhhhhhhhhhh.

eoy,

112.5/200 for chinese C5

65/100 for bio B3

69/100 for la B3

74/100 for chem A2

33/45 for ih A2

we only have math and physics left.

apparently according to yimengonfb, u need a 2.5msg to take 4H2s.

overall,

chi 57 c5

bio 69.45 :o will they round it up to an a2?

la 69.75 ._______.

chem 73.4 a2

ih 72.6 a2

msg of now is 2.81. zgod -.- and thats assuming they round bio and la.

okayyy. for math i need 62.6 to get a2. and i need 72.6 to get an a1. @@ why does this feel like its going to be my only a1. if i even get it :X

foresees ill need to appeal for ki -.-

need a 65.1 to get a2, 75.1 to get a1 for physics o.o

if i get a1s for physics and math i get 2.18 :X. a2 for math, a1 for physics = 2.41. a1 for math, a2 for physics = 2.30

mmmph i dont want to think beyond that.

i must say something though. im glad pam finally snapped at chels @ audi today. topic: consideration. however, on the other hand, does pam have the right to snap back like that? chels had put in wayyyyy more effort. but despite that, chels didnt do.... well? if u dont study and 自找麻烦 then ._.'' u dont have the right to complain also what.

#2, why does my aircon eat so much water o.o now that its leaking its.. leaking alott.

ok that wasn really supposed to be #2. more of, why such a big deal. a) nobody cares. b) its not that bad. c) okay maybe someone is interested.

balloons.

went to icekimo, had a cookiecreamsprite float. froth was amusing. didnt take any pics ite. but we played cards for like 3h. (Y) hearts.

exhales.

/expires?

2009-10-27T23:13:00.002+08:00

chocolate luvvvvvvvvvvv.

its kinda of disturbing really, that a significantly large number of members in girlbands, korean ones of course, are around our age. and theyr being groomed to do this whole... seductive/sensual crap. i mean like if u look at the chocl vid, it... has alot of moments where the girls attempt to be seductive yada. rap part fail though ahaha.

its also kinda disturbing that i like greg iles books. basically it revolves around death and suspense. its not as gory as some other books / anime/manga[think claymore] but the fact that i derive satisfaction from this.. as well as the more gory manga/anime/books. the only thing that gets to me is.. footage of someone hurting? greys anatomy s06e06's burn victims.

mmm. came home abt 6. slept til abt 9/10.

my god. its chinese again.
ffffffffffffffffff.

im lacking things i want to do. im not lacking things i need to do though. sigh.

highlight of the day was probably sabo-ing jen during hearts. a pity it was only two rounds. bloops.

tmw ^^.

vaguely amused. i zombied around for the first half of the day. and then i played cards. and then i felt vaguely more awake.

the nothing box.

i got you babbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeee. i call i call it chocolate luvvvvvvvvvvvvv.

@@.

i shall go sift through pics~~

2009-10-27T22:46:00.001+08:00

I got you babe
I call I call it chocolate love
neoreul wonhae gajillae
dalkom dalkom chocolate love....

2009-10-25T16:12:00.003+08:00

somehow i liked this shot the most.

it feels kinda happy, kinda serene yet kinda sad in a way. mucked around in ps, attempted to warp / fisheye it, in the end i gave up and just tweaked contrast etc.

what makes a good shot, what doesnt?

who judges the shot? the photographer or the viewer. who gets to place the term 'art'. i rmbr in moma, '06 i believe, or some other weird museum, there was this huge painting. it was completely blue. and it was exactly, and precisely just blue.

i o.0ed at it, poked my sis, we proceeded to share our sentiments - that it wasnt art. or perhaps just art we couldnt appreciate.

but in the end, in my case, who pays the bills? [futuristically speaking, of course.] it would be the clients. the people who commission the pieces.

i mentioned that i was contemplating being a photog. go into commercial, ie ad / mags. eventually strike out on my own, have a little studio or something. or maybe ill find somewhere to entrepreneurize photog but somehow i doubt it. photogs been around for ages, what can be done has mostly been done. i dont even know what im talking about. im going off on a tangent -_-.

point was, someone's reply was 'oh, so the business side will just be a way of making the photography/hobby/passion practical'. i cant rmbr exactly but something like that.

i still dont know what the hell i want to do. photogs an interesting hobby as of yet, but im still not sure if i want to do this for the rest of my life. no wait, i dont mind, and probably will do this for the rest of my life. what... questions me, is whether i can make money in this line. i mean, sure, if ur brilliant at what u do, u'll make money regardless of what u do. as long as ur the best. but seriously, im not that arty, maybe i might actually have a 'good eye' for stuff, but the past few.. years? of neglect has caused my observation skills to die. of course i can hone them again but. mini-point was, is it talent or is it a gift? if i take photog as my tertiary course, will i be better? better than the other hundred thousands of photogs? i know photog is a field where u dont really need brains per se, and i see photogs who didnt really 'study' photog.

and main point is, will i be content living an average existence whilst hopefully being happy at work. i have this.. sense that says 'u shld be able to do better than this', blahblahblah. is it really that big / sad a loss if i dont live up to my fullest potentials? wth do i have to anw?

this is getting nowhere. im mulling over things, attempting to straighten them out here but in the end all ive done is list them out. i have no conclusion.

one side would just say be happy, its your life. the other side would say, do your best, ull be happi-er.

from what. the pride?

i need a change of environment. just as well thats coming soon. its not quite the 100% change, not with the 400 of us graduating together ._. but ill meet people i dont know, hopefully people i havnt pissed off. but somehow, the overall environment, the singaporean side of it, will still be the same underlying factor.

two and half years more to what will hopefully be a huge change. i really dont want to stay in singapore.

i cant quite place it whenever people ask me why, or when they ask why im slanting away from the government. its just a general feeling of being stifled. the govt shapes everything, the populace seems so.. ignorant.

btw, was reading uh whatsthatcalled... uh... bloody memory by greg iles.

ignorance isnt bliss. innocence is.

(y).

okay wtv im just gna end here.

i need some bnjpf now.

NOWWWWW. bah. goose? bahhhh.

2009-10-25T00:09:00.001+08:00

i woke up at three today. correction, i woke up at ten today went back to sleep, woke up at 12, went back to sleep, woke up atsometimeortheother went back to sleep, got out of bed at 3.

mum, kai, sis.

bahhh.

anw after 9 hours im going back to bed :D :D

2009-10-24T22:38:00.001+08:00

ARGHHHHH. ITCHY. BUT WHEN I SCRATCH IT HURTS COZ IM BURNT. DAMMIT.

question, why does ur skin feel hot when its burnt?

2009-10-24T00:09:00.002+08:00

okay.

1) when i bother to correct u on an issue that impacts ur impression of me, it means i still care about ur impression and it means the relationship, whatever type it may be, is still valued.

it is when i dont bother to say anything, when i dont bother to interject, when i just leave u ranting, that you should realise, i dont bloody care.

yes yes its an age-old rant but i just needed to get this off my chest.

2) i am sunburnt. ._. my arms are pink and so are the back of my hands ._. but i have a sleeved tan line ._. okay so we went to ecp today. got up at 7, left at 8, reached at 9 (paya lebar) wasnt actually late/latest (y). zinc was sick so boo. i suppose everyone is sleeping now. went cycling, claire was nauseous / not feeling well so marshy jia cheryl kept her company whilst pam n i went to look for the next bunch. o.0 was lagging behind pam and i couldnt figure whyyyy. zzz. i was pedalling > her but i figure gears / wheel size / knowing when to coast / rubbish.

i must interject at this points I HATE LOUSY CD DESIGNS. ESPECIALLY OVERLAYING TYPES THAT ARE HARD TO GET OUT. BLODDDY.

doubled back several times. after a while chels came and told us to continue so we did. and then marshy, pam and i stopped at this random rocky area to just slack. marshy and i were going to slack, pam wanted to go sleep. apparently she decided to go sleep behind us, as in she was behind us and jiayun overtook us and told us. yea. so we called pam yada yada yada. took some pics today.

had lunch @ bk. rubbish lunch. onion rings + fries + drumlets + coke ._.

went to bowl w yingkaijenxeoaddie. gum wanted to bowl. oh well. everyone else went home. chels and chrissy n pam went to chels house.

interestingly i was feeling awake + coherent so i could actually focus. and then after a while my hand started getting tired and i was guttering approxly alot. bah. so second game i switched to the... pink ball? which is... 7??? i think?? first game was using.. purple? which was er 9? yea. then midway of second game decided to test the 9 -> more taxing + straighter and 7-> easier to control but if u lose control u die theory. so i was bowling 9 for first and 7 for second of each thingy. zz. too late though. + camera was completely supported by right hand for 80% of the time so. zzz.

I SMELL LIKE LOTION BAH. DONT LIKE FEEL OF LOTION. and idk y i buy cds, i dont do anything after i rip them. zz.

random note. how do you differentiate between giving up and being realistic.

after bowling went to parkway to get cds, transfer money from dad.
went to library, read + borrowed. took bus to bedok, ate there, went to lav. found out miru n shirlyn's parents are more lax w them so no curfews, can randomly disappear at night etc. though they seem like good girls and less likely to abuse like uh certain juniors. had honeydew soya, went to redhill where my parents fetched me, their dinner, my... stoning. got home. showered. unpacked. dried hair.

yea thats how my day was.

and was it fun?

thats 3). i didnt find it fun. it was a better than average day but its still not... good? because the average day is horrifically dreary? ive been backspacing every idk in this post, obviously except for that. the only emotions that come easily now seem to be annoyance and irritation, virtually the same thing really.

maybe its just another level of detachment.

4) greg iles. the author that other famous authors read. including stephen king i think. not sure. too long ago. anw his books' cases are utterly rubbish and run of the mill. however its the way he handles the cases that are utterly brilliant. the way he uncovers random details and yet in the end he doesnt randomly spring a detail and a whole new killer. i hate it when people do that.

i also dont like it when bloody cd people get lazy and dont title their last three cds out of 6. ._.

ohhhhhhhhhhh shit. im supposed to go for dance tmw. ._. but im tired. :( i... am going to cancel on them. :X

also i wore my contacts from 7...20? to abt 11. interesting.

BAH.

2009-10-24T00:00:00.001+08:00

OMG WHAT RUBBISH. WHAT KIND OF SHOP DOUBLE SEALS CDS?! GAHHH. i dont like risking damaging the cd/covers so i actually peel the bloody plastic off. carefully. and like ._. got another layer.

for both!!

AND SO PERFECTLY SEALED TOO.

What does it mean

2009-10-22T01:33:00.000+08:00

Got up. Looked around at the mess in my room that was essentially my life. The first thing that caught my eye was kitkat.

The first thing in my closet that caught my eye was my bsc jacket.

Kitkat.

I need chocolate.

BAM!

2009-10-21T23:13:00.003+08:00

something feels.. not right. thats not to say it feels wrong. it just feels not right.

the highlight of my day should not be house.

somehow our papers are over, but it doesnt feeeel like its over.

somehow the weight is still there.

i think its because i know i didnt do well, i didnt do my best, and i just screwed myself over, again/as always.

huh missing chunk of text here after i posted. i think it was... attempts to recreate...

i think the last time i had fun was tenth oct's morning. and then the day screwed itself over. it was what? 2-3h. the thing is, i actually had to think for a while before i recalled it.

the first memory that came to find was iggy. i was still feeling bogged down, by things i caused to bog me down, things like overduebutimportanthomework. despite that, there were sufficient moments when i just let go of everything and had fun.
-end of recreation- didnt quite feel very smooth. suspects i left out some stuff but shrugs. its the gist.

tell me, what else has taken place after iggy.

i came back, attempted to finish up my homework, and then bam! it was eoys.

i think it wasnt so much of iggy that changed my life per se, its just when the change occured.

eoys 09 are over, and right now i still feel bogged. im looking in front of me, and what i see isnt pleasant. i see viet 09, i see jc subj combi, jc orientation, ki selection test. that just whats up in front in the next few months. following that its bt1, bt2, i think they have three? bt3?, promos. eoy 2010 w chris. and then its a new year. and thens its A levels 2011. and then its college applications. and then its a) getting a job or b) travelling, finding people to travel with me.
and then its college, deciding what i want to do, weighing more options and trying not to close off too many paths. and college is still school, because frankly, until u get a job, its all preparation and buffing of report cards and testimonials.

ultimately i believe its right that i opened those files even though i didnt really need to. because ultimately, despite all this weird non-state state im in now, its going to help.

there are no mistakes, no coincidences. all events are blessings given to us to learn from. - elizabeth kubler-ross.

those files in question? examples of resumes that were submitted to ms that my bro showed my sis. and yup, theyr scary.

way scary.

mediocrity.

college applications btw, are typically in november for us colleges. i think we get our a lvl results after that. which means the grades they look at are a) american standardized tests, b) ur typical school results.

i wanted to end off with a f. but i decided nah.

so.

all our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing. - maurice masterlinck

although, something else thats interesting:
will your child learn to multiply before she learns to subtract - children defense fund.

2009-10-20T22:21:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAH. its not actually anyones bday soon afaik but

AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

hes 17.

2009-10-20T19:43:00.001+08:00

zings blog has 69 posts as of now lols.

anw IT ALREADY FEELS LIKE ITS OVER.
BUT ITS NOT.

AHHHHHHH.

got home at 12. went to sleep at 1. woke up at 4, realised it was 4, went back to sleep until 5.15 :X

and then my sis called me and bought food back. so i had dinner whilst watching eps1/2 of heroes. and.

thats how I spent my day!

AHHHHHH.

oops? :X WHY AM I COUGHING.

philippines update.

2009-10-20T00:53:00.000+08:00

oh god. what have i been missing out on.

a chimchar?

seriously?

2009-10-19T19:23:00.004+08:00

feeling annoyed for no good reason.

impatient. way impatient. yet another trait that is no longer the same.

cheesed.

people ask you to say cheese to make u smile. but when ur cheesed ur not smiling.

redonculous.

zedonkey.

grim weeper.

f8hasit reminds me vaguely of the english version of cls.

people move in search of a better life. why so many.

how come i can stay logged in to lemons gmail and joeys blogger.

2009-10-19T15:44:00.001+08:00

when childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the politer names of hell. that is why we dread children, even if we love them, they show us the state of our decay. - brian aldiss

2009-10-19T01:37:00.001+08:00

Cop, taking report of stolen car: Ok, what was the color, make and model?
Metro Guy: It's cranberry and...
Cop: Cranberry's something you eat, son, your car was red.

2009-10-19T01:34:00.001+08:00

God Squad lady: Praise Jesus! You won't be saved without Jesus! You have to start believing in Jesus to be saved! Jesus will always be there for you!
Suit #1: Would it be so awful if we pushed her out when the doors open?
Suit #2: No. Jesus will save her.

2009-10-19T00:38:00.002+08:00

today im going to keep my computer on, my chrome open, logged in to my email for the whole day.

apparently my aunty is in northern luzon.

google alerts ftw.

2009-10-18T19:38:00.002+08:00

i wanted to just have a post that said shrugs.
but i figured people wouldnt get it.

it seems ive lapsed back into a highly apathetic mood again.

shrugs.

now do u get it?

2009-10-17T18:38:00.001+08:00

zzzzzz. bored. zzzzzzzzzz. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

2009-10-17T10:41:00.000+08:00

:( i woke up at ten today.

coz they said the cleaning lady was coming at 10. so i heard the doorbell and woke up. it was my sis.

._.

2009-10-17T01:12:00.002+08:00

coffee ice cream owari. :( :( :(!!!

rawr.

men compartmentalize their brains and have all these little boxes. in particular, their favourite box is the nothing box. where there is absolutely nothing. - some random vid my sis posted on fb.

i like doing nothing.

like now.

i vaguely feel like responding to some stuff but shrugs.

in a shrugging mood.

ice cream <3